Not Getting Enough Intimacy with Your Partner? Here’s What to Do

Intimacy is one of the most profound ways we connect with our partners, but what happens when you crave more and they don’t? It can be frustrating and even painful to feel disconnected in this way. The natural response might be to push, demand, or expect more from your partner—but this approach often backfires. The key is to recognize that while your desires are valid, your partner is not responsible for fulfilling you. That’s your job. Here’s how to navigate this situation with self-awareness, self-love, and deeper communication.

1. Acknowledge and Breathe Through Your Feelings

When sexual or intimate desires arise but aren’t reciprocated, it’s easy to feel rejected, frustrated, or even unloved. Instead of acting on these emotions impulsively, take a deep breath. Breathe into and toward the sensations and emotions in your body.

Just because you feel something doesn’t mean you have to act on it. This practice of presence helps you separate your internal experience from external circumstances, making room for a more empowered response.

2. Choose to Be Fully Present with Yourself

Your desire for intimacy may actually be a desire for deeper connection—not just with your partner but with yourself. Instead of placing the burden on them, take this as an opportunity to tune in to your own needs.

Being present with yourself can mean self-pleasure, but it’s not limited to that. It might look like:

• Engaging in self-care practices that make you feel loved and nurtured.

• Journaling about your feelings and recognizing any patterns or stories you might be telling yourself.

• Meditating or practicing mindfulness to connect with your own inner world.

• Moving your body through dance, yoga, or stretching to process emotions physically.

When you meet yourself fully, you become less dependent on external validation. This, in turn, makes you more attractive to your partner rather than repelling them with neediness or desperation.

3. Avoid Expecting or Demanding Fulfillment from Your Partner

The energy of expectation or neediness can be repelling. If your partner feels like they have to provide intimacy to keep you happy, it creates pressure, and pressure is the opposite of passion.

When you release the idea that your partner is responsible for meeting all your needs, you free them (and yourself) from unnecessary strain. Instead, focus on cultivating your own fulfillment, which naturally shifts the dynamic to one of attraction rather than expectation.

4. Communicate Openly and Honestly

While self-connection is key, so is honest communication. Share your feelings with your partner, not from a place of blame, but from a place of vulnerability and openness.

Try expressing:

• How you’re feeling without making them wrong.

• Any stories or fears you might be buying into (e.g., “I notice I’m telling myself that you’re not attracted to me anymore, but I know that might not be true.”)

• Curiosity about their experience—ask what’s going on in their world and how they’re feeling.

As relationship expert Gay Hendricks says, “Honesty is the best aphrodisiac.” When you create space for authentic conversation, you invite deeper intimacy and emotional connection, which can naturally lead to more physical closeness as well.

Final Thoughts

Intimacy is a dance, and sometimes partners are not always in sync. But rather than seeing this as a rejection or problem, view it as an opportunity to deepen your relationship with yourself and your partner. By breathing into your emotions, practicing self-connection, releasing expectations, and fostering honest communication, you create the conditions for intimacy to flow naturally—without force or pressure.

True connection starts within. The more you show up for yourself, the more effortlessly intimacy can blossom in your relationship.

If you're looking for more guidance on deepening intimacy and connection, check out the classes at Simply Relatable. Our courses are designed to help you build stronger, more fulfilling relationships by fostering self-awareness, communication, and emotional intimacy.